Warren & Emily Swan → Arkansas Drivers

Dear Friends from Arkansas:

Please note that a very large number of you folks from the Natural State are apparently using the wrong scale on your speedometer gauge.  When you are driving along at what you think is 55 miles per hour and everyone is passing you, please note that you are actually going only 34 miles per hour.  You can actually speed up until the needle is showing 55 on the other scale.  You will now notice that drivers from other locales are no longer zipping past you.

Now, if it so happens that you actually are reading the correct scale, dear friend, and you are assuming that going, say 45 MPH or 30 MPH in a 55 MPH zone, is somehow “safer”, please reconsider.  By making everyone else have to pass you so they can go about their business in a reasonable time, you are actually decreasing safety, both for yourself and your passengers, and (worse yet) for the frustrated driver who needs to pass you (and their passengers), and (even worse yet) for totally unconcerned drivers and passengers coming the opposite direction.  It is not safe to be a slow-poke that everyone else in the nation has to go around.  It just isn't.  You may be causing accidents, even if you think you have a good record.  And that is not right.

Now, dear friend, one other suggestion to help you on your way.  Remember all the way back to first grade, when your teacher taught you to “stay in the lines” while coloring?  This is something that yall need to practice while driving, where it is much more important, as I hope you can see.  There seems to be an inordinate number of Arkansas Drivers who wander too far left & right outside the lines — even while going so incredibly slow.

This, in particular, is very dangerous.  When you wander too far to the left into the lane of oncoming traffic, you endanger yourself, your passengers, and the driver and passengers in the oncoming cars.  When you wander too far to the right, even going as slow as yall do, you are endangering yourself and your passengers.  In any case, it ain’t good.

This next tip isn’t a safety tip.  Well, it might be, because folks from other states aren’t used to this driving act, which is common in Arkansas.  You see, if you are on a main road, and you are turning right onto a side road and there is no stop light or stop sign, you do not have to stop before turning right.  Also, if there is no stop light or stop sign and you are turning left, you only have to stop if there is oncoming traffic.  In either case you don’t have to stop to check out the situation, or whatever it is that yall are doing; just slow down a bit while turning.  Folks from other locales that are driving behind you are liable to smash into your vehicle, ’cause no one stops like that in other states; and there doesn’t seem to be a good reason to do so.

And when you do turn right (without stopping) try to turn into your own lane, not the lane for oncoming traffic.  Both of these things mean that you may feel a little inertia to the side when you turn.  But don’t worry.  Folks from other states have been turning without stopping and into the correct lane for a lot of years, and that inertia doesn’t hurt anyone.  You’ll get used to it.

I hope these little tidbits of advice will help you all to be better, safer citizens.  Please pass these tips along to other Arkansas Drivers.  Thank you.

After having driven in all 48 contiguous United States and most of the Canadian provinces, I just thought I had to give some advice to Arkansas Drivers because, in general, this is the class of drivers who need it the most!  Poor drivers in other locales are the exception, rather than the rule.

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